She kept pushing. And pushing. Not giving up until I could be convinced she was right. Her insatiable need to be right, to be validated at any cost. “I have a right to do this.” “I have a right to say this.” And if you don’t agree? Look out, because she won’t stop. Until. You. Break.
So, yeah, I broke. I screamed. I swore. I actually ran around my house and said “fuck” like 600 times. FUCK. The best word ever.
Here’s what I didn’t do: I didn’t cave. I didn’t accuse. I didn’t blame. And I didn’t validate her insanity and pettiness.
Here’s what I did do: I kept true to myself. I let her go on and on and keep pushing me. I really thought I could take the toxic punches; the toxic positivity; the falseness of it all; the “shoulds:” “you should of done this; you should of done that, you should have…”
And in the middle of a should, I broke. Like a dam breaking. No water came forth, no impressive insights, just a lot of fucks; about 600 fucks in all. And it felt good to watch it all rush past me. All that dirty water, all the false sunshine and rainbows, all the fake-ity fake fake bullshit, her ongoing need for validation and attention. It all rushed by. I didn’t even get wet.
Sometimes you gotta lose your shit to make your point clear. And here’s the point I am giving to the person who thinks I am sending subliminal messages via Facebook Posts, who thinks that when I give a gift it is passive aggressive, who thinks I am a self centered twat who only wants to talk about themselves. Here is another subliminal message. Here is my absolute last fuck: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK. Yep. That felt good.