and now I’m feeling frustrated and angry
anyone who has lost a child anyone who has lost the person in their family who understood them best anyone who has lost a good friend someone they could always count on
anyone who has lost such beings from their lives is angry at themselves
angry for being selfish in their grief angry for not spending more time with them
angry for not being able to save them angry for not being able to see and be there at exactly the right time
or angry for not being able to make a bargain with a God they can’t find and replace them in a them-for-me trade
and now my anger makes me even sadder
makes me understand how inadequate I am in this fundamental task
of sorrow