it’s 3 a.m.
I wake up from a dream
I don’t remember
painfully not remembering
was it you?
I miss you
I feel that
were you there in the dream
I can’t remember
I try to reach back into the dream
it’s like fog thick as a stone wall
perfection
this dream I want to go back in to
to find you in
perfection I can no longer have
I can’t remember
but I remember you
each of you
it’s like yesterday
when I first knew you were gone
and only living here inside
will I find you when I’m gone too?
or will you have moved on
from there too?
or will my death be like the dream
I can’t remember
only a thick fog
roiling there
like a massive stone wall
of blankness?
loss loss loss loss
I wonder how I can still breathe
when you can’t
it would be better if you were here
and I wasn’t
you take this harder job of living
for awhile
my heart aches
I press my hand down on it
it recognizes me and calms
but it still goes on aching
and it goes on beating
my faithful faithful heart
for now